Chapter 8 - The Prospective Buyer

"Hey, Jessi. Question."

Carlos cleaned his hands furiously in the sink, regretting the aftermath of a five hour data processing marathon. His hands were caked in sweat, and cold water just wasn't enough to calm the constant ache, ache, ache. In the background, Jessi mopped at a steady pace, removing all traces of the recent toilet breakdown. It was the third time that the things had overflown that week. Calling a repair hand seemed like a cruel trick; he would only think that it was his call to "duty". Although at this point in the budget she had convinced herself that she wasn't exactly above a quick romp if it meant getting a free repair, she was already carrying Johnny's baby, so that was out. And although someone had to have figured out by now that Carlos and Julian were living with her, if not a prospective father, she wanted to keep things under tight wraps for as long as was humanly possible. So no flaunting. "What is it?"

"Have you ever thought about moving to a bigger place?"

Jessi frowned. There was no room in her wallet for such a large change. Still, it would be nice if everything in the house didn't break down every five seconds. Old appliances plus a continuous stream of rambunctious kids was a faulty equation to begin with.

"I mean, technically, I can. Delilahs have before; as long as I remained relatively unnoticed during the move, it should be fine. But I don't exactly have money for that right now."

He patted his face, half listening to his patron and half wondering if he should change out of his pajamas anytime soon. "I'm just spitballing here, but couldn't you just sell the house and most of the stuff inside of it for the funds? People'll pay higher if you lived in it. It's already practically a landmark."

She stood in the doorway, speechless. Good old Carlos was blessed with more common sense then she could ever hope to obtain. To the internet!

As she crossed through the house with her new realization, Jessi couldn't help noticing how bland everything in the house really was. So little color, and the peeling wall paper didn't help the aesthetic. Even the computer room, once her oasis of escape, seemed pathetic and lonely. What kind of environment was she raising her children in? She couldn't type up her ad faster.

While she had known through Carlos' crystal ball that that her ad for the one and only Delilah home would become popular, she hadn't exactly relied on having this many replies, especially so soon after posting. But she was soon presented with a dilemma, one that she hadn't considered until this point - how was she going to sort out the people who wanted to gawk at her home from the legitimate, serious buyers? Pawing through the offers, she finally settled on a man by the name of Hensley Duke. After doing a little background research on the man, she learned that he worked at Safehollow Labs. Jessi thought that she might have remembered that name from the top of Carlos' workpapers, the ones she was always finding sprawled across the house when she was cleaning. Perhaps he or Julian knew him? In a few short chat sessions, she scheduled a meeting with the man to inspect the home tomorrow during school hours, and figured she'd ask the two then - after all, Jessi already planned on having them guard the home in case "Dukes" wasn't who he claimed to be.

Noticing the time, she left for bed, wanting to prepare for the long day ahead.

---

"Did you say Hensley Duke?" Carlos enthused. Even Julian had a slight smile on his face, something Jessi hadn't seen since his charming demeanor had all but vanished upon gaining admittance to her home.

"Oh, so you two know him?"

"Know him?" Julian piped up. "My dear, the man is quite respectable. I don't just know him, I work under him, learn from him, have bonded with him..."

"Alright, Julian, I get it. You've known the professor longer than me. No need to rub into my face." Carlos was clearly ruffled, and maybe even a bit flushed.

"Wait a second, the professor? The guy you were talking about on my porch when you first came here?"

Julian nodded, clearly ignoring Carlos' remark. "He is responsible for the biology department at Safehollow Laboratories, and has been studying your family for quite a while."

"And he wants my house?"

Carlos jumped at the opportunity to get a word in edgewise. "Yeah, well, this place is probably a warehouse of information. It's been in your family for a while now, hasn't it? There's probably all sorts of things that he could study here, even if you took half of your stuff with you."

Jessi wasn't entirely sure what a few leaky toilets and abandoned toys could tell a man about the inner affairs of the Delilah household, but the offered money spoke louder than reason. "So if it's really him coming to the home, you guys will definitely be able to tell?"

Somewhere in the distance, the doorbell rang. Carlos smiled. "Let's find out."

A quick look out of the house window told Carlos everything that he needed to know. The man standing outside was unmistakably the dearest professor. And wouldn't Julian be thrilled to see him? At any rate, Jessi was in for a surprise.

"Carlos, m' boy!" the professor boomed, elated to see one of his favorite students. "So good to see you in the flesh after all of this time! The lab just isn't the same without you, kid!"

Carlos laughed. "I'm glad that you're happy to see me, professor, but isn't there someone you'd like to visit more? You don't have to entertain me."

The man blushed, grumbling under his breath. "Boy, you know me too well...but Jessi won't mind, right?"

He shrugged. "I'm sure that she'll be okay with it. I mean, I never saw anything in her that would've made me think otherwise."

"Good! Now, can I come in?"

When the professor hung up his coat, he couldn't help but prod Carlos. "So, how are you and Julian...getting along?"

Carlos hesitated, then sighed. "Same old, same old."

He whistled. "You know, I put the two'a you on this project together in the hopes that the man would learn to get along with other people. He gets quite sensitive, I'll have you know! One time when we were making a library visit..."

Carlos did not want to hear about this part of their relationship. He walked a little faster into the living room, hoping to end the conversation.

Before he even had a chance to make introductions or explain anything to Jessi, the two lovebirds were already at it. The minute that they had made eye contact, Carlos knew that it was all over.

"Did you miss me, sweetie?" the professor cooed, pressing his lips into an uncharacteristic pout. Carlos felt like a bird watcher, observing colorful mating rituals in a foreign land. Jessi was dumbfounded.

Julian grabbed the professor's hands and giggled, a sound that completely caught Jessi off guard. It sounded like a cat choking to death on a slab of salmon. "Um, hello, Mister..." she started.

Carlos scratched his head, knowing that the two were miles away and would never hear her. At least they weren't kissing yet...

And there it was. Carlos didn't mind seeing couples kiss, of course. But the professor and Julian's kisses often got...messy. He motioned to Jessi to avert her eyes, not wanting her to make the same mistake.

At the climax of their shenanigans and in the wake of a few choice phrases Jessi was glad the kids weren't around to hear, Julian grabbed a hold of the professor's head and teetered around the room slowly. "I'm never letting go," Julian whispered into his lover's ear. Jessi was only slightly skeeved out by the sudden change in personality. Judging by how freely they were acting in her living room, it was safe to say that the two had most certainly "bonded" at some point in private. Tentatively, she broke the moment, looking to get the show on the road.

"Er, Mister Hensley? Sorry to interrupt, but I'm Jessi Delilah? Owner of the house?"

He regretfully pulled away away from Julian's grasp, and suddenly, the air became formal and weighted. He was back to business in almost the blink of the eye. "A pleasure, I'm sure." He gracefully extended his hand. "Carlos has probably told you that I run the Safehollow Biology lab. Let's take a walk around the house, shall we? Not you, Julian," he said sternly, "You stay here and play nice with Carlos. Me and Jessi have a few things to discuss."

As the two inspected the nurseries, Jessi was bombarded with questions both biologic and anthropological in nature. Why it was important how often she cooked meals for her family, and her preferred method of birth, and her experiences as a child, well, she was sure he could gleam some meaning from them, but the entire business had her feeling caged, like a zoo animal.

Even worse was when morning sickness finally struck, and after emerging from the bathroom, how he was immediately interested in just how often she vomited, the texture of the vomit, and et cetera. Gross.

"I hope that you don't think that I am being nosy," he finally apologized after a fifth run-around of the kitchen, "It's just, well, this conversation is quite literally the chance of lifetime. We've been sending scientists to your motherline for years, and you are the first to have ever accepted to an observation."

"Really? My mother never mentioned that."

"There probably was not reason to. I imagine that your house attracts such a quantity of riff riff that any encounter would have slipped her mind."

"You'd be right." she groaned. Another round of vomit was making its way up her throat.

As Jessi crouched in the bathroom, she was aware of Hensley's weight on the bathroom door, casually leaning on his shoulder.

"Are you doing okay in there?"

"Never been better", she responded sarcastically.

"Right, well, we both know that I simply must buy the house. Unless of course you've been considering any other offers?"

She thought about lying and saying yes in an attempt to get him to double his original amount. But that seemed wrong. "Nope, it's just you, yourself, and your's."

"Good, good. So before we deal with transactions and the like, I was wondering if you could answer one more question?"

Jessi wiped her mouth and exited the stall. "Shoot."

"How exactly was your relationship with your mother?"

The air was cold.

Chapter 7.5 - Up and Off!

Giving birth to Roger's children was as easy as, well, taking candy from a baby. Jessi was blessed with triplets this time, all of whom advanced into respectable young toddlers smoothly. Finally, Jessi could take the rest she so well deserved - and needed.

Venus was a regular Sleeping Beauty, taking siestas wherever she could get them and earning her nickname "Aurora". Jessi had no doubt that these extended beauty sleeps would turn her little girl into a gorgeous young woman some day. Never once did the child keep her mother up at night with crying, and Jessi couldn't be more grateful.

Kieran was rather quiet as well, but observant. From an early age on he could detect cycles in feeding times and potty breaks, and would bang his fists on any available surface when it came time for a bottle or toilet session. If this sixth sense persisted through his adulthood, perhaps he could become a great doctor or scientist, Jessi hoped.

Where her siblings were silent, Juno made up for them tenfold in laughter. She always had an amused look on her face, and found everything funny. Much to her older half-siblings' chagrin, she found psychical pain to be the most humorous. A competition between Neptune and Marine to see who could amuse the baby the most led to countless injuries inflicted on the innocent and one embarrassing hospital trip that Carlos was forced to partake in. From that day on, the knife drawer was kept tightly locked.

All three children proved to be particularly bright, and teaching them the necessary toddler skills was a breeze.

Walking, babbling, tolieting, you name it, the kids had it down. The next round of birthdays was about to hit the Delilah household.

Juno had developed into quite the tomboy, though Jessi was seriously concerned as to how the "Unstable" and "Daredevil" traits would coincide. As Jessi would unfortunately learn, it led to many surprise taste test contests and a few stifling phone calls from the school home that always ended in the principal trying to hit on her. Unsurprisingly, Juno had developed a Good Sense of Humor. She'd make a great stand up comic. 

Venus was overjoyed to be aging up, so much so that she completely forgot to be irritable about being woken up from her nap.

She might have been beautiful, but she wasn't exactly photogenic. Guess the modeling career was out. What a shame - her newly acquired Diva trait would have certainly helped in that career path. Instead, it only led to unnecessary household drama that often found its root in a casual rumor Venus swore she had never started. She still napped excessively, as her teachers would experience firsthand.  

Most excited for the change of all was Kieran. He was uncharacteristically loud, hollering as soon as the very first sparkle surrounded him. 

Of course, the evolution from toddler to child did leave the young boy a bit cross eyed and dizzy. But he didn't let nausea get the best of him - developing Discipline was already helping him. He continued being insanely observant, often telling household members about habits of theirs that they had never noticed. He also used his new traits to pick up some karate skills at the local dojo after school, turning into a strange psychic-judo hybrid.

Despite their wildly different personalities, the three siblings got along just fine, though Venus did occasionally roll her eyes at Juno's dominating behavior.

"Why must we always play by your rules?"

Fortunately, Kieran was there to mediate. 

It was also time for Neptune and Marine to mature. Well, mostly.

The two really hadn't changed much from their childhood days, still discussing plans for future pranks well into their adulthood. They planned to skip college and go straight into the business world, opening up a prank shop in a new town. Jessi had sworn that she had heard this story before somewhere. The twins wanted to make enough money to own a nice boat on which they could fish on their off days to their heart's content.

Alton celebrated alone, but that's just how he liked it. Even he couldn't help but smile at his aging up. 

He had aged up into career appropriate clothing. Alton planned on building robots and becoming a regular grease monkey, a stark contrast to his withdrawn, neat childhood self. He felt a wave of confidence roll through him, and before he left for college in a new town, he approached Atticus and Montague. As usual, Montague was harassing his stone-faced brother. 

"Here, take this," Alton coughed, his voice dry. It had been so long since he had spoken a full sentence. 

"This was my favorite book when I was your age. It's a bit dry in some parts, but I'm sure you'll find Simmon's algorithms to your amusement."

"Wow, gee!" Atticus clapped, excited to get his hands on the book. "Thanks, big brother!"

"And as for you, Montague..."

What transpassed in that little room Alton dragged Montague to was never to be spoken of again in the Delilah household. The two exited the room after what felt like an hour of silence to the outside world, and Montague never attacked Atticus again. He was maybe even a little nicer to him.

Atticus didn't really notice any changes, too invested in his new book. His brother had scribbled notes in the margins, some of which Atticus swore were directed at him. He vowed to one day work his way up to the lab his brother was employed at and work side by side with his half sibling. 

He was so invested in his reading that he barely wanted to age up. But he was at least excited to be one step closer to meeting his brother in the laboratory. 

Happy birthday, Atticus!

As for Montague, he aged up into a respectable young man, already donned in suit like a regular James Bond villain. He suddenly became very interested in personal hygiene and petting cats.

As her kids learned the building blocks of cooperation, Jessi was learning in the ins and outs of her latest suitor. She had called upon a man named Johnny Bedrock, thinking that the name sounded wildly exotic. When he showed up to her house, however, she was greeted with a barechested brute. Oh, great. He was one of those guys.

"So, uh, what do you do for a living?" she asked cautiously. She was trying to steer the conversation in direction of interior of her home. Preferably her bedroom ASAP, so he could leave sooner. She figured that there wasn't very much she could stand learning about her babies' father.

"I lift things up and put them down." he announced proudly.

"Riiiight. So, uh, wanna go upstairs now?" She was becoming more comfortable in directly asking that question. Fortunately, he was more than willing to oblige, and followed her into the house like a trained puppy.

And she got to work. At least Johnny Bedrock lived up to his last name.

Chapter Seven - Illegitimate Means

The days went by quicker than Jessi could even keep track of, and things were only complicated by Carlos' science. While his explanation of the top secret "Project TestingCheats" was satisfactory, it was all a bit more than the unsavory Jessi could handle in one sitting. Forced reset? Triggering age transition? Could all of that scientific mumbo jumbo save her kids, even in its beta stages? It made her feel dizzy, and tended to preoccupy her mind above all else. One day she walked into the home after painting in the backyard and was startled to find to children that were not her own playing in the living room. It took her a minute to figure out that these were her latest batch of twins. And then she panicked as to why they were both children and not toddlers. Before realizing that they had aged normally and had been children for at least a few weeks.

She needed a good rest after that mishap. Only in dreams could she find peace from the TestingSims enigma.

Perhaps Jessi should have refrained from naming her eldest son Montague. He had inherited his book counterpart's fiery hatred of all forms of opposition, including but not limited to sports teams and his brother. He took to mocking young Atticus at every given moment as a form of occupation, knowing that the kindly soul wouldn't raise a finger against him. His Evil treat was truly coming to fruition. At least in the latter case, inheriting the traits of his name's literary inspiration had done him well. Neither had inherited their father's trademark blue hair. Jessi was only slightly disappointed at this.

Even in the storm of insults, Atticus braved it through, taking the time his brother lambasted him to consider what book he should read next. He was glad to have a bed next to Alton, who had a habit of throwing books that he had finished underneath the young boy's bed. Whether or not this was simply coincidence or his way of reaching out to his half brother was a mystery, but sometimes, Atticus swore he could feel his half brother's smile boring the back of his head.

As much as she would enjoyed to, Jessi simply could not have napped for a minute past what was necessary. She had a house to clean and children to rear, and so groggily, she arose from the dead and climbed down the stairs. Crossing to the half kitchen, she was determined to finally clean out the ancient fridge - Neptune swore to her that something inside was starting to grow hands. But she never quite got there, a sight on the couch catching her off guard before a single toe could set foot in the tiled room.

"Hey Ma, guess who?" 

Jessi rubbed her eyes and decided to go back upstairs. Obviously, her beauty sleep hadn't quite done the trick. She couldn't hallucinate, not at a time like this! But as she dragged herself through the doorway, the girl was annoyingly insistent, calling back in an accent saturated with sea salt and New York.

"Hey, c'mon, get back here. You've gotta recognize me. Marine? Your flesh and blood?"

The sentence forced Jessi into a freeze. Eventually turning around to face the sailor-suit clad girl, she was unsure of whether to be shocked or overjoyed. "But you were supposed to..."

"Stay a child, I know. Carlos filled me in. Lotta science stuff that I didn't really listen to, a few promises, and a zap later from some strange device later, bam, I'm a teenager. Crazy, right?"

"Wait a second, device? Back it up there. What device?"

"Oops, wasn't supposed to tell you that bit. Ah, well, nothin' to be done now. What's he gonna do, turn me back?"

"Well," a voice drawled from the back, "Technically, he can."

Julian stepped out of the children's bedroom, trying to conceal a satisfied smirk but not quite succeeding. His pocket bulged with the weight of a tiny notebook. Carlos was nowhere in sight. "So he finally went and did it, hmm? Jessi." He suddenly spun and faced the object of his research, adopting a tone of concern. So forced was the change that Jessi felt herself vomit a little in her mouth. Marine quietly sulked away in search of her brother, not interested in what business was to proceed. 

"He tests your kids without permission, he interferes with your children's metabolism...I know that it's none of my business, but I cannot help but worry what that man will do next! You do realize how dangerous TestingCheats is, do you not? Or did he not have the courtesy to even explain to you what the project even is in full?"

"Well..." Jessi drawled. Something didn't feel quite right. "He did tell me that the project was in its beta stages, but that tests on animal subjects had succeeded."

"Right, on animals. Your daughter over there is the first human to ever be tested on. Carlos is equating your children to animal subjects."

"I don't think..." She sighed, adjusting her glasses. "Look, Julian, what Carlos did isn't right, and I'm not going to excuse it. The minute I find him, we're going to have a talk. But I know that his heart is in the right place. He cares about my children and, dare I say it, cares more about them than you seem to." Julian pretended to not hear the last bit. She smiled, turning around and motioning toward the living room. "See, now look over there."

It had taken him a minute to get over his initial shock - evidently, Jessi and the affected child were not the only members of the household given the news on Marine's condition - but Neptune finally accepted that the teenager in front of him was his sister. The two immediately launched into age-appropriate conversation, including new sketches for prank-pulling and plans to hijack an abandoned boat in the harbor, just for a day. Jessi concealed her reaction to the last bit and decided to have a conversation with the twins right after her conversation with Carlos, only focusing on the beauty of the moment. 

"Now, see, how could I hate that? He's fixing the family, Julian. Preventing their futures from being cut short. I couldn't be mad at that."

He smirked. "And I assume that knowing that he had to either bribe or steal his way to get a device to run these TestingCheats doesn't bother you?"

"It's a bit unsavory, but you can't argue with the results."

"Fair enough, fair enough."

The two gawked at one another in awkward silence for a minute. Jessi was self-consciously aware of her skimpy pajamas. 

"Well," Julian finally said, "I have some information that I simply must record. Be seeing you."

What a weird man. Jessi wished that she could kick him out while still keeping Carlos around. Speaking of the savory scientist, she decided to poke around the home for a bit until she could find him. Eventually, her search took her to the backyard, where she found the full grown man enjoying himself just as much as the children on the family swingset.

Obviously, she was not the only one who had not bothered changing out of their pajamas. It kind of made her feel better about herself.

"I wouldn't swing too hard, if I were you." Jessi grinned, waving over to him. "That thing's been around since I was a child here."

"Oh? Any bad falls?" He sounded genuinely interested.

"Once, when I was seven. It was a twisted ankle. It was a real close call, any worse of a fall and we would have had to call an ambulance. Which was a problem because, you know, paparazzi, tabloids, nosy scientists like you," she teased.

"Guess I better get off this thing, then, huh? It wasn't really made for a man of my age, anyway."

He stood in front of Jessi, all smiles. It made telling him off more difficult of a task than Jessi had wanted it to be. The man was too charming for his own good. Before she could open her mouth, Carlos raised a hand.

"Now, I know what you're about to say. And what I did was really crumby. Well, no, actually, that's a complete understatement. I was completely out of bounds aging up Marine with my TestingCheats device, especially since she's a minor. And if you want to kick me out of the house, I deserve it. I'm sorry."

She frowned, crossing her arms. "Sorry doesn't even begin to cover it, buddy. You promised me that you would ask me before testing any children that weren't teenage males, and you broke it multiple times." Carlos pouted, sure of what was coming next.

"However..." Jessi smiled.

"My kids are happy. Everything is starting to look like it might work out in the long run. And with your little device, well, maybe we can stop my kids from prematurely aging up, or the other way around. At least, that's my understanding from what you told me. It'll take a little while for me to fully trust you again, but honestly? At this point, I don't know if I could imagine this household without you."

"Wow, that's..." He stammered and stumbled, unsure of how to thank this Goddess of Forgiveness. "That's extremely kind of you. I don't even know how to repay you."

"Just keep taking care of my family. You do a lot more than Julian does."

He laughed. "Well, let's just say that Julian has his own...style. Say, do you know where he is? I need to look at his notes for something. If he even lets me."

"Upstairs recording information or something? That's what he told me anyway."

Suddenly, Carlos broke into loud, inappropriate laughter. Jessi nervously laughed along, not so sure what was so funny. "Do you want to know what he's probably, actually doing up in his room?"

Jessi cocked her head. "Uh, do I want to know?" She wasn't sure how appropriate the following story was going to be. At least none of the kids were around.

"Tattling."

"I'm confused."

"Oh, he's probably trying to get me fired right about now. Telling the professor how I bribed the scientists back at the lab to mail me the device. What a laugh!"

"Wait, what?" She had just finished telling him how important he was to the family! And now he ran the risk of being dismissed? "Why is that so funny?" she demanded.

"Because I already told the professor how I bribed the scientists back at the lab to mail me the device."

Well, he might be charming, but his sense of humor needed work. "And how did he react?"

"Oh, he's pretty angry. But once I told him this morning that it successfully worked in solving your little dilemma with Marine, paired with the fact that I discovered a brand new, scientific anomaly..."

Jessi didn't quite know how to react to her daughter being called an anomaly, and chose to not address it. "So you'll be sticking around?"

"Like glue!"

Gracious Goddess, he was a cutie. But she couldn't get any of those types of thoughts, not right now.

"Well, here's to your next set of children!" he cheered.

"Mm, you're right. I guess I'll need to find a father soon."

He looked at her, confused. "Uh, aren't you carrying your next set of children already?"

"What?" she said groggily. Extended conversation seemed to be taking its toll on her.

"Yeah, with that pink guy. Roger Candy, I think?"

Oh. Now she remembered. The guy who wouldn't stop yabbering about his mother in law. God, she needed a good rest.

"Well," she yawned, "thanks for the talk. I should probably get back to, er, working."

As she trailed off, Carlos smiled. Because among the early morning sun and the chirping birds, the angry yells of Julian Georges could be clearly heard.